Clear Light of Illumination Exploded

Approaching the gates of the monastery, Hakuin found Ken the Zen
preaching to a group of disciples.
“Words…” Ken orated, “they are but an illusory veil obfuscating
the absolute reality of –”
“Ken!” Hakuin interrupted. “Your fly is down!”
Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon Ken, and he
vaporized.
On the way to town, Hakuin was greeted by an itinerant monk imbued
with the spirit of the morning.
“Ah,” the monk sighed, a beatific smile wrinkling across his cheeks,
“Thou art That…”
“Ah,” Hakuin replied, pointing excitedly, “And Thou art Fat!”
Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon the monk,
and he vaporized.
Next, the Governor sought the advice of Hakuin, crying: “As our
enemies bear down upon us, how shall I, with such heartless and callow
soldiers as I am heir to, hope to withstand the impending onslaught?”
“US?” snapped Hakuin.
Whereupon the Clear Light of Illumination exploded upon the
Governor, and he vaporized.
Then, a redneck went up to Hakuin and vaporized the old Master with
his shotgun. “Ha! Beat ya’ to the punchline, ya’ scrawny li’l geek!”

Children of His Majesty

Yamaoka Tesshu was a tutor of the emperor in Japan. He was also a master of fencing and a profound student of Zen.

His home was the abode of vagaonds. He had but one suit of clothes, for they kept him always poor.

The emperor, observing how worn his garments were, gave Yamaoka some money to buy new ones. The next time Yamaoka appeared he wore the same old outfit.

“What has became of the new clothes, Yamaoka?” asked the emperor.

“I provided clothes for the children of Your Majesty”, explainded Yamaoka.

Reference:
Zen Flesh, Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings
compiled by Paul Reps, Arkana 1991
ISBN:0140192670